the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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