I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
