she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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