Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
