In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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