So drunk its hurt
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
