You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
