omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
worst night to have a conscience
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
