She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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