i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
