she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
