Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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