So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
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Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
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I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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