he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
