we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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