Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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