so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
