What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
