just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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