Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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