Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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