"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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