chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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