If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
