im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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