does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
