well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
