just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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