sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Michael Bay diarrhea
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
