wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think i have herpe
just one?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
