Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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