Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
