dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
