I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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