Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
