He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
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That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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