you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
