OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
