I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
