if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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