I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
