U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
