2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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