The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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