This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
