I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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