guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
