it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
