no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
