so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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