Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
