WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
