i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
