I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
