Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
