I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
