A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
nutella sex= disaster
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You made out with two different species that night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
