Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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