she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
