Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
