In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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