I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
God I need to hump something, right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
