If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
