oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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