Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
