the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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