you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
