Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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