My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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