Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
