There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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