Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
